The sound of the rain
is wasted
as I hear something else.
The negativity
is blinding
and I turn away from the source.
A mother’s love
and a child’s indifference.
What else is there to it?
conversations
when you feel down
do you talk to him
and does it make you feel happy
like once again
your smiles
could last a lifetime
do you feel as if
you’ve forgiven yourself
for your mistakes
because you and i both know
none of us is perfect
and when you talk to him do you feel
like you’re you
and do you feel
that he is a real friend
because if you do
then i’m glad
you found someone to talk to
and i wish
i had one too
Confusion
When should you try something new instead of doing what you usually do? The common provides a sense of familiarity, giving you comfort and confidence even. It is your strong suit. You like this. But doing something new is like going on a new adventure. More experience and different path to explore in Life. If only there was a way to know if I would have another chance to be able to choose like this. But what if there isn’t? What should I do now?
Realizations
I was wondering why I was so lonely and I realized it was because I was looking for something. It actually isn’t very hard to find if I put in effort but that’s the challenge. I don’t think there’s an always in the non-scientific world since emotions are changing but then maybe that is the always. It’s always changing. I don’t know if I should take comfort in that, but I’m glad to know there are always people to turn to. I think I’m very much grateful for that.
YAY FOR SUMMER (talking to myself again sorry)
GUESS WHAT IT’S SUMMER
SUMMER
S U M M E R
Yay for fun times and sleep and food and everything else! I just came home from an outing with my class and all we did was eat, sleep, and watch How To Get Away With Murder. It was really fun.
I’ve been thinking and I think I’m over thinking.
(Um okay also since I’m over thinking I kind of think I need a let out so that the word vomit doesn’t fill my brain and this is that let out although I think I’ll keep some in my head so I don’t feel all empty and all like that one day in math where the whole period i was just writing things like ‘I don’t like math. I want to go home’ in my notebook in this pretty spiral direction [it was a nice blue notebook that said My Heart Is Out At Sea from Papemelroti and a nice blue Typo pen] and yeah it made me feel bad sort of well I thought it was empty but maybe it’s just that I got filled by so much negative thoughts. OMG what if I actually am empty and it’s just me who decides what to put? NICE ONE OKAY I’LL THINK THAT I CAN DO THIS)
That statement sounds bad. They say that people who overthink tend to be the nicest people but does that apply to me? Actually do I even really over think I don’t really know I think of it as looking at all the possibilities and the consequences, but isn’t that a good thing? Because then you’d try to see better ways to get what is actually needed? Okay so anyway, I’ve been thinking am I really nice? I want to say yes so badly but I can’t because there’s so much things I did that weren’t nice. I really want to care for others, and I do but then my actions contradict that. It’s so hard to be the person I want to be but I should get started.
So now I will have my plan of action:
1. I will reply to people even if I do not want to talk to them
2. I will wake up early tomorrow and actually go with my dad
3. I will ask about the swimming clinic
That seems like a really good start okay I’m on my mission to care and be nice. I don’t want to be apathetic. Maybe I should start forming my own opinions too? I’ll have a basis and it should be that it’s good for everyone. But then twitter feels really self-centered. Should I deactivate? No maybe, not yet. It’s fun to talk to people there. Well not really actually.
So many people are becoming so self-centered honestly I don’t know why, I hope they still care for others. I really want to be remembered as somebody who is kind and who cares but I don’t want the unwanted attention, ya know? Just don’t mind me, ya know? Let me stay quiet please let me observe and please do not look at me. 😦
That’s what I’m afraid of, because I try to be nice and people start to like me in a way I do not want to be liked so I push them away and that is bad and that is not caring so I start to feel really bad, but what should I do? Do I lack courage to tell them what I should? Well but, what should I tell them? Am i supposed to say “Sorry but please don’t”? But isn’t that mean? 😦 I don’t want to be mean anymore. I want to care but I want to be strong too. How do I do that?
I’ll be strong in how I care for people yes? Sympathy and not apathy yes?
Okay wait, how do I tell my cousin about global warming? It’s not like he doesn’t know about it and I don’t know if he cares but I think he does, he just doesn’t know the importance of small actions. But cousin dear, we can’t just put up one whole big project where we all just stop using plastic permanently. First of all, we are not ready and second, humans are messy. They’re really messy. As in, not everyone will cooperate, of course and some will even rebel. I mean if you’re not cooperating with the small thing, how will you expect people to cooperate when it’s a big thing? Yes, not using plastic straws for a day helps prevent global warming because that would mean less consumption and production of plastic so there will be less waste and less pollution and less greenhouse gases and therefore less global warming! It’s not just that branch of the restaurant but the whole fast food chain and there are so many. I bet if you research on their plastic waste numbers, it would be a lot and you’d be thankful they’d stop for at least a day. I mean so many people come in and out of there and some waste the straws obviously. Please believe in the small things. They really do matter. That is what I believe. I will not force it on you. I will respect your opinion but please, please, please at least try to care. Please and thank you.
I still don’t understand why the Dvorak keyboard will help save mother earth though. I mean it was in the talk of Commissioner Yeb Sano and I think it’s supposed to help but I’ve forgotten how? Maybe tomorrow I’ll buy a laptop keyboard cover thing and start practicing.
Okay that’s kind of all my rants so far this summer. Ah okay so my conclusions are this: to care and to believe. I have to help others see, have faith, and believe. Because sometimes hope and believing will be the only thing left to do and when that time comes I’ll be ready. I’ll face them head on with my light of hope AND I SHALL DEFEAT YOU. WHATEVER YOU ARE I WILL. Okay I’m rambling that is all bye bye hihi
The Reason
I’ve finally discovered the reason for feeling so low all the time:
sleep deprivation
nice job, self. time to take more naps.
This thing is like a giant private/public diary haha what even I feel alone in the nice kind of way here I don’t even know who I’m talking to
Neverland
Why
Why does everyone have to be away?
if they’re not in some far-off country i can’t visit
they’re probably away, lost in their own sea of thoughts i just can’t dive into
Why does everyone have to be away?
and why do i feel so alone
What is happening?
I'd Rather Be In Neverland 